Screaming At The Sun
by The Sushi Monster
Summary: "I should have let her go, all those years ago." "You and I both know that's crap." Enzo watches as Bonnie dies. (Enzo/Bonnie, Enzo&Caroline)


**Notes:** Major character death. I started this weeks ago but the latest episode inspired me to finish. Contains very minor Stefan/Caroline in addition to Enzo&Caroline friendship.

* * *

Every time Caroline made him leave the room he felt a piece of his heart break.

He had to feed, she insisted, had to take care of himself, had to keep living, for Bonnie's sake. And every time, Enzo resisted. Bonnie's hands - wrinkled, soft, weak - were his anchors now, where she herself could no longer be. He had an eternity of time _after_ \- so he resisted, insisted he stay with her, _now_.

Caroline won in the end, of course, because Bonnie would wake up and squeeze his hand and tell him to listen. She would tell him that she understood, but if he didn't feed he would desicate and she can't say goodbye to him then, could she? And Enzo would half laugh, half cry, and mostly feel his heart breaking as she coughed and Caroline pulled him away.

The day Felix visited, Enzo counted heartbeats. Bonnie slept, peaceful and smiling, and he watched the rise and fall of her chest. Her heartbeat, in comparison to the silent darkness that had gripped him for months now, was so loud; but it was steady and the constant reminder that she hadn't yet left him was the only reason he hadn't shut off his humanity all together.

He had been considering dimming the lights when there was a knock on the door.

"Come in," said Enzo, his voice wavering slightly. When Felix walked in, hair peppered with gray and his tie loosened, Enzo paused before the other man - physically older - dropped his bag by the door and rushed over to Bonnie, hesitating before her sleeping body.

"How is she?" asked Felix, gaze never wavering from her.

"She's fine, tired." Enzo shook his head. "She's happy." His voice almost cracked, but mostly he wanted to laugh at the absurdity of it all. "She's old, Felix."

Felix sent him a glare. "I'm old, _Enzo_." The name fell from his tongue like acid. "She's - "

"Your mother." Bonnie's eyes flittered between open and closed before she sighed deeply. "I'm fine, especially with you here." Her hand stroked her son's face. "Where's Emma?"

"With the kids. Caroline told me it was getting worse - "

" _Aunt_ Caroline," said Bonnie, adjusting herself so she could sit straighter on her bed. "Respect your elders."

Felix rolled his eyes and Enzo sighed, standing. "I'll leave you two alone, let you catch up."

Felix said nothing, pointedly avoiding Enzo's gaze, but Bonnie stopped him just as he was at the door. "Hey." Enzo paused and looked at her - even on the edge of death, after all these years and a sort of forever, she never failed to make his lips curl upwards and his heart soar. She was beautiful. "I love you."

He smiled, sad, but still a smile. "Always, love."

When he shut the door, he could hear Bonnie lecturing their son on respecting his elders and making amends before - Enzo stopped listening then and was only partially startled when Caroline shook his shoulder.

"Hey, you," she said, crossing her arms when he finally blinked and looked at her. "How are you doing?"

"Bonnie's fine," he said automatically, because it was his habit now. Caroline frowned and Enzo realized his mistake. "Sorry."

Caroline studied him for a moment, her face a cross between concern and curiosity, before tugging on his arm and leading him outside. The sun had already begun to set, peaks of pink and gold glittering across the sky. Caroline sat on the stairs of the front porch and patted the space beside her, which Enzo slowly took up.

"What's on going on in that annoyingly hard to read head of yours?" She poked his temple and Enzo glared at her, but let himself smile. He remembered how much he loved getting under her skin - and he appreciated her trying to return the favor.

"Memories," he said, finally, trying to sort through _before_ and _after_ , slowly carving out a section for _after the after._ "I should have let her go, all those years ago."

"You and I both know that's crap." Caroline nudged him with her shoulder. He glanced at her from the corner of his eyeline and she was smiling, nostalgic. "I remember this one time you showed up at my doorstep with a bag of clothes and your pillow. You didn't say anything, to me or to Stefan, but - and I never told you this, she swore me to secrecy - Bonnie called me that night."

Enzo leaned against the railing so he could see Caroline better. His eyebrows furrowed. "What - "

"I think she knew you were at our place, and she was - well, angry. She was furious, actually," said Caroline, laughing lightly. Her eyes were warm and glowing. "She was so upset that you'd just leave and avoid finishing the argument. We talked about it and I defended you a little, saying you just needed some space to think, and she calmed down eventually. She admitted that you had a point - that it would make sense to use a sperm donor to continue the Bennett line. But she - " Caroline bit her lip and Enzo raised his eyebrows. "Even though she always knew it was impossible, she had dreamed of having that kid with you."

Enzo swallowed. He opened his mouth - there were apologies and fears and regrets racing on his lips - but Caroline shook her head, placing a hand on his forearm.

"Enzo - no, it's just that. Bonnie _wanted_ that - but you two - the reality for you two was never going to be easy. But you made it work." Her hand travels down to cover his. "No matter that it shouldn't have worked. But you figured it out. Together." Enzo felt his throat close and Caroline lightly patted his hand. "And that's what I told her that night. That if she wanted to grow old and come home to you every night, it wasn't going to be easy or pretty. And guess what?"

Enzo knew exactly what, but he needed to hear Caroline say it. "What?"

"She decided her love for you was worth any embarrassment or any heartache that would come from being with an immortal blood-sucking vampire."

"And that's why when she barged in that night, she agreed to the donor." Enzo sighed, moving his hand back but before he could cross his arms across his chest, Caroline moved closer to him, wrapping an arm around him. Enzo let his head rest for a moment on top of hers. The sun had set by now, the house embraced by a purple haze.

Moments later, he finally broke. "I don't think I can do this, Caroline."

Caroline pulled back, turning his face so she could see it. "Yes, Enzo, you can." Her voice was hard and firm and Enzo gulped. "You don't get to run away from this. And don't even _think_ of turning off your humanity." Her hand drops from his chin but her face softened. "She's my best friend."

"I know."

"And as your best friend, I declare that we are going to mourn together." Caroline paused, swallowing and Enzo could tell she was trying to hold back any tears, likely for his sake. "Humanity intact." Enzo did not want to make a promise he could not keep, so he said nothing. Caroline sighed, squeezed his arm, and then stood up. "Just promise me one thing."

"What?"

"Just remember you have me. And I know you'll always have your issues with him, but Stefan's here for you too. I'm not Bonnie - but I care about you too. And I want you to _try_."

Enzo watched the grass as she spoke, the unkempt lawn resulting in weeds intertwined with the blades. Finally, he stood, a few steps below Caroline so he could match her eye-level. "You're my best friend too. I'll try to remember that."

Caroline threw her arms around his neck and Enzo hugged her back.

* * *

Of course, Enzo was the last one to speak to her.

Enzo had noticed her heartbeat flickering unevenly lately, as if a gear had finally chipped away leaving a off-beat rhythm that never quite fit back together. Despite Caroline and Bonnie teaming up against him, Enzo spent most of his time in the room, with her.

"Hey," she said, one day, finally, after sleeping for hours. Her voice, now deep and cracked, still soothed him. "C'mere." She gestured to the space beside her on the bed. Enzo hesitated for a moment, but Bonnie stared at him - even after forever, her eyes had never changed.

He laid down next to her, with distance between them, too scared to touch her. Her hand crawled into his and he watched her bring their intertwined fingers to her chest. They were quiet, and he could hear the harmonies of breaths to heartbeats. Her hand was cool.

"I'm glad you stayed," she said, barely a whisper. "You never did leave me."

He turned his head. "And you stuck with me, forever."

"Not your forever."

"This is our forever, love. You and me, and all the time we had together - it was enough. You were always more than enough."

She did not say anything for a long time, the blood in her veins cooling. Eventually, however, she let out a long sigh. "You always were such a romantic." Her voice broke.

"Bonnie Bennett," he finally whispered, because he was losing her, he knew it, and he knew he was about to break too, "I love you so much."

"Always, love."

Her breathing was shallow, uneven, so unlike his steady, anchoring, _alive_ Bonnie. And he watched her as she died, with a quietness and dignity that befitted her.

And then she was gone.

He kissed the back of her palm, each finger still between his, before gently letting go of her hand. After a kiss to her forehead, and a single tear that he quickly wiped away, he walked out of the room and did not look back.

* * *

He arrived at their doorstep less than thirty minutes later, with just a bag of clothes and a pillow. Caroline opened the door, saw his face, and said nothing as they walked in together.

That night, they drank. They exchanged stories, drank too much alcohol, and fell asleep with tears on their lips. Stefan had left to join Damon in welcoming Elena - but Caroline stayed, with Enzo, because Elena would be there tomorrow.

Enzo never was able to tell her how much he appreciated it.

(Enzo never really moved on, spent years screaming at the sun and the sky, wishing the stars would grant him one last wish - a new forever, a new eternity, an ability to find peace. That peace came days after Elena gave birth to her first child. He met a woman in a bar - he had met many women and many men over the years but none of them were Bonnie - and in a drunken haze, he let down the barriers so carefully arranged in the months preceding Bonnie's goodbye.

The woman drove a stake through his heart. As the desiccation settled in, Enzo truly laughed for the first time in years.

He never felt more alive.)


End file.
